There are a million self-help books and methodologies out there. All fantastic. All life-changing. And that’s a good thing, because they are (mostly) the creation of incredibly bright minds, who worked with incredibly bright people, and changed their lives.
As a coach, I have a toolbox full of gems. For any problem, any challenge, any situation. I love that and I keep adding to it both based on my personal experience of growth and transformation, and from working with others. I am constantly researching tools and methodologies to create even more value and even better results for the people I work with.
But there is one tool, incredibly simple, that I genuinely think can make the biggest difference, whatever challenge you have. When you are angry with someone. When you don’t feel good enough. When everything seems so shit you think you’ll never see any light and joy again.
So here’s what you need to know and understand first:
Everything that you feel, everything that you experience, EVERYTHING, is the result of your own thoughts.
There is nothing outside of you that does that. It is only your thinking.
When it feels like it’s too hot.
When your boss comes across as a dick.
When your mum calls you non-stop.
When you feel stuck in a job you hate.
All that is your thoughts.
The weather is how it is. You THINK it’s too hot.
Your boss is how he is. You THINK he is a dick.
Your mum calls you. You THINK it’s non-stop.
Your job is how it is. You think it sucks, you feel stuck and you hate it.
If you can’t get your head around this, or you have a lot of ‘buts’, that’s great. Because it gives you the opportunity to try the tool. This is a method of self-enquiry created by Katie Byron, an American speaker and author. It consists of four questions.
Question 1: Is it true?
Question 2: Can you absolutely know it’s true?
Question 3: How do you react when you believe that thought?
Question 4: who would you be without the thought?
Let me give you an example. Let’s say you think your job sucks.
Question 1: Is it true?
Answer: you might say YES! It’s true, it’s a shit job and I am underpaid and undervalued.
Question 2: Can you absolutely know it’s true?
Answer: I guess so. I mean, I don’t feel like I am doing much, I am not challenged, and I feel very resentful. But I guess when I say it sucks it’s more about how I feel about it. Maybe someone else would think the job is great and that they’d love to do it. Huh, maybe.
Question 3: How do you react when you believe that thought (“my job sucks”)?
Answer: I do feel resentful, depressed, and really stuck. It’s like, no matter how much I try, nothing happens. I am sick of my daily tasks and I feel bored and quite lonely, because I can’t really tell my colleagues about it, you know…
Question 4: who would you be without the thought?
Answer: So if my job was the same but I didn’t believe that it sucked? Maybe I’d think of ways to make it interesting or expand my responsibilities…Maybe I’d offer some of my time to another team, or ask my colleagues what they need help with. I guess I’d be less negative and more curious about what was going on and how I could change it.
So there it is. If you can’t quite make it work (a lot of our thoughts feel SO FUCKING REAL), just reply to this email with your challenge and we can exchange a couple of messages that will help you get clarity. I promise you this will completely shift your reality once you start practicing.
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